Saturday Night Feverish ( now incorporating Manic Monday's to Therapeutic Thursday's )

Goddamit. I hate you both.

My reason was that she asked me.
I trust her to have a good reason to ask this of me.

Or is that what you meant by "(which you explained above)."?



Well, of course you know neither her nor him, nor the circumstances.
Even I am only privy to part of the information.
I understand your point on principle, but to say it's an easy way out?
It would have been far easier and more honest to say "you're boring, nervous and childish and I don't want to see you any more".

The way it was handled now, I think, has saved face and ego on both sides:
While the date was failing, the guy now doesn't have to feel bad about himself, but can blame me for a failure, rather than doubt his own capabilities and even person.
Now the "relationship" can peter out naturally.

I have been on the receiving end of the much-vaunted Honest Approach (ranging from girls telling me to my face what a bore/jerk/geek I am to girls simply letting me know they didn't want to see me any more, period) and the Softly Softly approach where phone calls weren't returned or dates were made with several friends rather than just the two of us.

I greatly, greatly prefer the second way.
The honest approach has never failed to seriously hurt me.
But that is obviously very personal.



Again: that is a very personal choice and consideration.
I really don't think there is a moral imperative here.
Just the best we can do.

We've all been there at some point.
And if you haven't, you will.

It's not about the absence of critical analysis.
It's about prevalence.
Actions based on a trust relationship, which are not contrary to my own moral values withstand any critical test with me.

Obviously you see this -and would handle this- differently.
And that's fine.
(Obviously I have some dark grey drawers in my cupboard )



Naturally!
I was merely pointing out that even I do not have all the facts at my disposal, so the image I'm sketching is necessarily slightly two-dimensional. However, I don't tend to hang around people with loose moral values or people who tend to hurt or cheat others, hence me getting a little defensive, maybe.



Yes, that does often happen.
And yet my own personal conviction is that honesty is not always the best policy (I have already suggested a "face-and-ego-saving" scenario above.
But the keyword here is "personal".
I know many people who think as you do, and many who think as I do.

At the end of the day we're all just trying to do the best we can.

Sometimes that works wonderfully. Sometimes people get hurt.



Really?
Have you never just stopped returning a guy's calls?
Or dropped him from your email list or ïnternet messenger list or whatever?

I've had that done to me several times. And I know of a lot of people having done that.
I've never done it myself (it's just not what I do), but I don't think it's by definition a "bad" thing (it's different when the other party comes back specifically asking what's wrong and still keeping schtumm...that's just cold-hearted. But both sides keeping quiet, not contacting each other any more wouldn't require any more specific closure, I think. Hence my use of the phrase "naturally".)



Sure you can... but that doesn't mean it won't still be hurtful!



And that's fine.
It's good having another point of view put forward. It just goes to show that even with the best intentions, things may still go terribly wrong.



Enjoy!

Poofy. Love it

Martijn, Steven i am with you mates. Martijn, next time consider what i told you about the passionate "fake" kiss

As for the thing you're debating, i am now more than ever - and through other, daily experiences, that men and women will NEVER think alike in certain subjects; NEVER. It's not a matter of who's right and who's wrong but trying to explain to a lady the whole philosophy of male thinking behind an action you WOULD do for a female friend but possibly not for a male mate, or something like the case above, is an epic FAIL imo.

oops pressed Edit rather than Quote

I'm not sure that's what Demetris meant. I think what he was getting at is there will, generally, always be a fundamental difference between the way women and men think and act. Not necessarily the way men and women understand things. That's far more dependent on upbringing, experiences and education.

I agree with that.

trying to explain to a lady the whole philosophy of male thinking behind an action you WOULD do for a female friend but possibly not for a male mate, or something like the case above, is an epic FAIL imo

I don't agree with that. Trying to explain to a lady .... is an epic fail?

I think D may have been a little inebriated when he posted that! (At least that's what it sounds like. ) Plus he's Greek. It's his job to let passion get in the way of clear-thinking!

No win....we got nowhere this week.


carry on....nothing to see here

Probably another example of this 'allegience duty for friends' thing I do not understand apparently...

I'd date Martijn!

Why you all lookin' at me like that?

No, i wasn't dear friend. I completely mean what i say. I frequently have to face that not everyone likes the way i express my thoughts and they like to "excuse me" in that way (passion vs clear thinking) but believe me that is always how i act and it has cost me in some cases and i have benefited from others. I know my views can be regarded as extreme by some people but that won't make change them nor hold back from expressing them.

As for what i said, i mean it. I know i am not a woman of course and i could never understand 100% the way some think (thus my other point) but how the HELL can you find Martijn boring, geeky or NOT a good company if you aren't actually retarded?

But NOBODY here thinks that about Martijn. I think this discussion has lost the point somewhere!? Either that or I've lost the point!??