Introvert or Extrovert?

I find I am pretty introverted. I sometimes wonder if most people who opt for message board friends are too!

Interestingly I'm as introverted as a particularly unsubtle atomic bomb explosion.

That said, I am quite shy, so it's rather likely I'm just trying to loudly drown out my shyness?
To be sure, at the end of the day I'm far more the armchair historian than the stage animal.
I do enjoy the company of others, but I'm also quite capabe to amuse myself.

I have grave doubts though as to the validity of making any meaningful link between classical (or film) music and one's particular tendency towards social interaction and outspokenness. I think any such statistical connection is really skipping a great number of psychological, emotional and sociological steps and factors.

Bob, this sounds so familiar, especially the 'wanting to be more of an extrovert'. I still haven't found the right balance in this. Faking to be an extrovert to be more normal or attractive and then afterwards feeling better actually, what does that mean? Do I have to learn a little bit more? Or are the others faking it as well?? Fact is that extrovert people are often seen as 'nice people' while introverts seem 'boring' or 'cranky' or 'weird' or 'stupid'. That's my experience anyway.

Hm, this sounds like you are saying people are introverted because they are scared to be extraverted? I think it's just in my nature and not because I can't be extraverted. As I explained already, the thing I haven't figured out yet is, do I want to be more extraverted or not? In fact not, but it's like society demands it sometimes, bleh...



I like introverted people too! I was talking the other way around, how people respond to me most of the time. Maybe it has something to do with finding the right people you feel comfortable with. I have experienced I can feel completely comfy and as introverted as I want with some kind of people but it took a while to find them.

What if I said you can only be one and you had to choose, what would it be?

I WAS extra introvert.

I've to say since some years, I react much more normal with other people. I'm still introvert but I would now talk to people myself, take initiative. I like being around with friends or meet new people. I like to listen to what other (or new) people say or tell. I don't quickly talk much about myself though, that's something introvert perhaps?

But I love being alone too. A drive with the bike after an evening out can be a highlight, the calmness and just being alone, thinking about yourself or what has been said. Reflective.

I'm very extrovert NOW, but like others above, it has been a process. Some 7-8 years ago, I was much more of an introvert, usually shunning too much social life. Today - for a variety of reasons that I won't go into here - I am what one may call a "party animal", and have been so for the last few years. Still - and again as many of the previous posters - it's rarely an either/or question, but more nuanced. I need lots of personal time, where I can be alone with my own thoughts or experiences.

Since lot of the stuff I do have to do with COMMUNICATING things to an audience (acting, lecturing, guiding, being in a TV show etc.), you HAVE to have a certain sense of extrovertedness(?) or at least be able to GO INTO THOSE ROLES when required. You have to have a certain sense of exhibitionism.

Now see, the whole concept of "roles" is quite undervalued here.
Are you getting annoyed as well when people say "just be yourself"? And well you should: there IS no one particular self, only personas (or indeed, if you will, "roles") we assume in different aspects of our lives.

We use/display different personas when interacting with our friends then when we are at work.
This doesn't mean at all we aren't true to ourselves: the truth is, all these different facets (and expressions) MAKE UP our true self.

So it's quite possible to be both an intravert and an extravert, I would think.
It's all a matter of nuances AND of how much any one person is actually bothered or worried by the balance between those nuances.

I'd definitely see myself as an introvert. I immediately think of my inability to mix with people I don't know at a first meeting as the main example of my shyness.

It takes me ages to break down the barriers that I have thrown up when I am exposed to a new group of people; whether it be at social or work-related gatherings. Once that initial reluctance to mix has gone and I feel more comfortable in the company of the group I do tend to become more extroverted.

Perhaps people who know me on this board may be a bit surprised by my level of introvertedness, but interacting via a messageboard/forum somehow lessens the daunting prospect of a group meeting and reduces my level of introvertedness.

"and well you should" is an expression. It means: "and you'd be prefectly justified in doing so".



No. I would hope for people to appreciate just how complex human behaviour is, and NOT come out with platitudes like "just be yourself", but try and apply some true insight in what drives a person at any given moment.

So when there's a mismatch between expectation and actual behaviour, encourage questioning.
I.e. when I use a (more formal and overbearing) work persona in a social situation, I would love my dear ones to point out that I do not need to impress them, or ask what is wrong.
When I am in a more personal and introverted state of mind while I would need to give a presentation, I would love for them to help me by reminding me of situations where I did (successfully) "display the appropriate persona" ("remember how well you did on the last occasion?").

That's how I feel proper encouragement is given.
Not by telling me to "be myself".
("I'll be my fantasy roleplaying game self then and take a battle axe to your head?" )

The way I've always understood it is that extraverts tend to draw energy from other people and grow tired and restless when by themselves for periods of time whereas introverts are just the opposite. Of course it's probably rare for someone to be extremely one way or the other, but rather a certain combination of the two.

Also although introversion often goes hand-in-hand with shyness, it doesn't have to. Like I said, I enjoy spending a lot of time alone, or in one-on-one conversations, but I don't consider myself a shy person (as a journalist, I can't be). I'm not a big talker in group conversations, but I don't think it's because of shyness, but rather I enjoy listening to others and trying figure out exactly what I want to say so that it has more weight than something I just think of on the fly.



I can certainly see your point, but it also depends on how you define the self. It might be easier to compare it to something more tangible -- like makeup. Many people wear makeup because society pressures us to conform to a certain look, but is the face we are putting on for others who we truly are? Most people are comfortable showing their real face to family and friends. I think the same can be said about acting in different roles or personas. We act one way around certain people to conform, but it may not be the way we want to act. So are we still being our true self. Certainly our different personalities make up who we are, but does that necessarily equate to our true self? It really comes down to how you define self. I honestly don't know which side I stand on, just presenting a different opinion.



The article I read wasn't very convincing, but if there is indeed a statistical relationship, then that could bring about questions and research to look at the psychological, emotional and sociological factors.

....after a John Williams and the LSO concert at a big London venue hopefully?!

If it's The Royal Albert Hall you'll be yodelling a 150 feet to your death!


But man I so hope it'll one day happen? I think Williams is the only draw that could get lots of us together collectively!?

great thread. I tend to be more introverted but I don't really have a problem talking to people on a superficial level--I don't particularly enjoy doing it, but I do it when i have to. I find that most people don't want 'close' or 'deep' friendships---and the longer i've gone without them i find myself finding it not worth the effort as well. most of my 'friends' are just people from classes---and we've mostly grown apart, without sharing hobbies, there's no real connection---besides that former class--there are some people i was close with and when we talk we talk for a while nad are pretty open with each other--but we'll go months without talking. i pretty much keep to myself, i am not the arrogant bastard in RL that i am on internet forums...i don't think most people are. it's a not a matter of being 'fake', it's just easier to express oneself online and unfortunately we say things that we might not enjoy reading at a later date, or that make us look like an idiot--but such is life.

Extro, the vast majority of times and especially when the company i'm with helps as well.