Holy aniamted movie, Batman!

sdtom wrote
Thor it's animated
Tom

In 2015 when I read the news there would be some kind of animated special with Adam West and Burt Ward returning as Batman and Robin, my hopes were instatly up. Sure, I was a little worried because Holylwood does so much wrong these days, they can't even handle old franchises right when they try to reboot them, but I was still eagerly awaiting it.

Some time passed and there was no information, then we got the trailer for it. A direct-to-DVD special with a an online option to get as well. Even Julie Newmar was returning to voice Catwoman. Then three of my favorite super hero composers were announced to score it: Lolita Ritmanis, Kristopher Carter and Michael McCuistion.

Okay, swell, none of those medicore and crappy compsoers of a lot of direct-to-DVD super hero specials have been plagued with in the last few years.

Unfortunately, the trailer was an ominous omen: characters that didn't look like their 1966 series counterparts -- of which this was based on -- unfunny jokes, and the Batmobiles jumping up around like it was the General Lee.

And the worst perhaps, the crappy animation style that not only didn't benefit it, but didn't even fit with the series.

So, what do I want, as a Batman 1966 fan? I really don't ask for much: I want the characters to look like their series counterparts, sound like their series counterparts, I want the sets to look like the series counterparts (there are three years worth of episodes and there's no reason to not accomplish this), I expect the music to at least sound like Nelson Riddle, I want the Neal Hefti theme used and the classic animation opening from the series (perfectly acceptable to be recreated), I want good writing, and I'd completely accept if animation was used to fix poor budgets from the series that wouldn't allow for certain things. I want iconic series scenes reproduced, like the Batman and Robin hoping into the Batmobile and Robin giving his dialogue about the atomic betteries and then leaving, the Batmobile exiting the Batcave, the scene of the Batmobile pulling up to police headquaters and Batman and Robin hoping out and running up the steps, and the iconic slanted angles. I want the classic sound effects, like the Batmobile powering on, the fire thruster on the back burning, the sound of the Batphone ringing, and the sounds effects heard from machines in the Batcave. Not only am I fine with them being re-created as long as they sound the same, but I'd be fine with the originals not even re-mastered. And finally, when I watch it, I want it to read and feel like the series back in its prime (AKA: not season three). These are pretty simple, I don't ask for hard things and unrealistic things.

Okay, so I decided to watch the special.

So, we cue the opening credits. It opens with music I'm guessing it meant to parody somewhat them opening credits music from the 1966 Batman movie roll, then it goes into the Hefti theme while images of Batman and Robin fighting from the pages of comic books and leaving the pages goes on (all animated). Right off the Batbat, something is amiss. Yes, the iconic "Batman" singing is gone. Why? Okay, so we lost that for some dumb reason. So, the iconic instrumental backing is at least there, so at least we have that, right? Well, sort of. Everybody who has heard the theme knows it picks up a half step or whole step in key at some point and works its way back down, then builds to a crescendo with the "Batman!" and "na na NA NA na na NA NA na na" singing and ends. Well, we don't even get THAT here (though it's in the end credits music; not the singing, I mean). Why? It stays monotone and ends in a faux way. I hate to be that guy, but this deserves it: the theme music was wronged here. Not only that, but the brass bursts for the punches on-screen, lacked the energy and drive of the original series versions, and were too on the mark, if you know what I mean. The free-spirited and energetic jazz was sucked right out. This was a bad way to open the special. And we didn't get any of the iconic opening animated images of the original series theme.

The special opens with Dick practicing ballet in the Wayne manor living room while Bruce reads a newspaper.

Right off the bat we have out second problem in the special, not even two minutes in: Dick Grayson does not look anything like Burt Ward. Not only that, but he's become this weird skinny guy that looks like an emaciated Dean Venture. They make some unfunny comments about ballet (still in line with the series, so I'll give it that) and then Bruce suggests getting some entertainment by watching TV. Watching, they find the musical band on the variety special, has been replaced by Catwoman, Penguin, Riddler, and the Joker. Here in we find another problem: Ceasar Romero famously would not shave off his mutache because, as Adam West has explained, Romero considered himself some kind of great Italian/latin lover (I don't recall which) and the mustache was part of that, so it was painted over white with his face for the Joker character in the 1966 series. Romero is no longer with us and if not to please the fans of the series, the creators of this animated special could have at least respected the way Romero handled that, and kept mustache under the white, but no, it's not there. This is actually a much larger issue I'll address later down the line in this review.

Of the villains, only the Joker and Catwoman look fairly like their series counterparts, the rest not so much. The Riddler doesn't look like Frank Gorshen (though the costume is right); the Penguin doesn't look like Bergith Meredith, he looks more like a cross between a bad interpretation and the Bruce Timm Batman universe re-design.

What happened in the series anytime the villains struck and there were Gotham City residents around? They screamed, ran away, stood on the sidelines, etc. What do the residents do here? They try to take Gotham City's most prominent bad guys into citizen's arrest. Yet another issue with the series: it's not true to the 1966 series.

Alfred points to the Bat-sginal in the night sky. Yet another problem: Alfred looks nothing like the Alfred of the 1966 series. And this problem is quickly followed by yet ANOTHER problem: Aunt Harriet looks nothing like the the character from the 1966 series. She looks more like if 1980's Edie McClurg mated with the 1980's "The Real Ghostbusters" Jenine animated character and gave birth.

So the statue head is opened and the switched flipped. They're gonna go down the Batpoles and down into the Batcave where they hop into the Batmobile. Yee hah, we all know how that looks and sounds. Only, it doesn't go like that here. Again, another why?

They slide down the poles and during that we se close-up shots of their belts and masks being put on magically by some unseen systems. Okay, I'll give that, though I don't buy it. There's bigger things here to complain about. We all know the iconic stock scene: Batman and Robin get into the Batmobile, it whines on, Robin says "Atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed" and we see the swirling fire blast of the turbine engine on the back. Batman says, "Ready to move out" and the Batmobile drives out; the outside mountain wall opens, the Batmobile speeds out, the safety gate drops down to the ground and the Batmobile drives over it and away. We've seen that stock shot used again and again in three seasons; it's part of the humor of the series how some scenes were re-used over and over again. So, what happens here? Well, the angles aren't right, Batman and Robin don't speak at all to, in, or as they drive out the Batcave. None of the classic sound effects, like the whine of presumably the atomic batties or the sound of the turbine engine blasting on. In fact, the turbine engine doesn't feature the swirl or look of the series, but instead looks like a cheesier version of the "Batman: The Animated Series" Batmobile engine, shooting out int a small jet. And you know those terrible scenes they do in 3-D films for show off the 3-D, that completely stand out and are obviously gratuitous "Yeah, look at this shit!" shots or pointless showing off? Well, that's what we get here. The characters' animation stops and the Batmobile stays in place and we get a 360 degree circle shot of the Batmobile. Why? There's no apparent reason. We hear sound effects not from the series, the Batmobile travels through the snaking cooridator tunnel, and then jumps out of the Batcave like the General Lee on steriods. The cave entrance is different, the safety gate isn't there, and Batman and Robin don't even talk. After ignoring all the iconic scenes, the creators of this decide to immediately ignore even more: we all know the Batman logo with spinning background and the swirling trumpets; well, that's not what we get here. We get the costume chest logo that comes in and out, no swirling trumpets and no spinning background. Then the Batmobile arrives at police headquaters. The iconic scene re-used in the series, is not only NOT used here, they couldn't even be bothered to re-created the exterior building and surrounding -- everything has been re-designed completely differently. Why? Not even the Riddle underscore of them running into the building is re-created. But wait -- there's more, they're not done needlessly changing things and ignoring what characters look like. Now we find that Commishioner Gordon looks nothing like the series actor, but more akin to the "Batman: The Animated Series" Gordon. Cheif O'Hara looks nothing like the seires actor either. Why? I have to ask "Why?" in this review so often you'd think I had Why Tourettes.

There are just so many little things to complain about here and there it gets tiresome to even have to complain. I shouldn't have to be complaning this often, they should have gotten it right or at least 50% right. But they continue to get it wrong, as once again we see the chest logo symbal still minus the swirling trumpets and spinning background, this time the logo itself spinning horizontally and across the screen. Yes, it does look wrong. Then Batman and and Robin climb the side of a building and we get no window surprise guest gag. Then it is followed by more wrong things, including the dynamic duo blasting off into outerspace by the Batrocket. Yes, they have their own "intergalactic" space vehicle here. No, it apparently doesn't occur to the people who made this that the rocket blasting off gives away the location, or at least auxiliary location, of the Batcave.

Yes, for details best left unsaid because it's all so bad, the four villains are hiding out on an abandoned space station. And in case you are curious, they've drawn out the plot of the special so long -- and it's basic thus far -- that almost half way in they've already caught up to the villains and the villains haven't done anything with their bounty yet.

I have to mention how bad the animation is. It's so bad that now for the second time when Batman and Robin climb up the side of something, the second time being the space station while in space suits, their feet don't stop on the surface, instead their feet keep moving once down. The characters can't even walk without the this special getting it wrong. And I'm not done with the animation either -- more later.

At one point one of them flips a lever for anti-gravity on the station. Yes, apparently that's a thing now (as the Nostalgia Critic would say). Lack of gravitational pull doesn't mean you go flying upward like Superman during a wet dream, you just sort of drift; you have to push off the floor to fly up. By the way, Catwoman knows how to fly a space rocket. Yes, that's a thing now, too.

And what's up with Batman sneaking in and out of Gordon's office? 1966 Batman didn't do that, that was the Bruce Timm Batman who did that. 1966 Batman always politely entered through the office door and left the same way.

And perhaps the most serious complaint so far: Batman with brass knuckles. Yes, Batman puts on brass Bat-knuckles to beat them (he's under the influence of a syrum Catwoman injected him with). It's like the creators never got Batman. Now, brass knuckles are illegal or own, carry, or use in most states, but let us say for argument Gotham City allows brass knuckles -- does anybody feel the law abiding do-gooder who minutes earlier lectured Robin about being deputized legal representatives, would even own brass knuckles, let alone every use them on villains? I'm sorry, but 1966 Batman DOES NOT own or use brass knuckles, I don't care that it was never seen or referenced in the seires, it's completely against the Adam West character protrayed and written. For goodness sake, I called them Bat-knuckles because they're shaped like the Batman bat symbol.

And a special note to writers: if Batman asks two police officers to take off their uniforms, it helps if BOTH are wearing uniforms. Yes, Gordon wasn't wearing a uniform, in case nobody noticed that. Yes, you continuity people, you proof readers, you animators, your producers, all you people that somehow got by. He was wearing his own shirt and coat. They couldn't even remember how the replicator ray worked. In the opening it was pointed at an object, a ray shoots out which I guess scans the object inside and out, then the ray was fired elsewhere and it materialized a copy out of thin air, yet when Batman uses it on himself, he just points at at his chest, fires and two replicant Batman silouette lights shoots out from each side and form into Batmans.

In the end we find Batman and and Catwoman coming to standoff again, as they would in the series, and if there was anything this special got mostly right, it was the idea and Batman and Catwoman's relationship, and they tried to remain true to that. Even their ending keeps in place with the series.


I wanted to like this. I wanted to even love it, but so much was wrong and handled poorly that I just couldn't. There were a couple of legitimate laughs from me while watching it but otherwise it felt like a chore I was forcing myself through just to review it. But the worst part is, none of this had to be so wrong. It's not like it was rushed, it's not like there wasn't source images and material to study, it's not like there isn't a fanbase online to secretly use, and so forth and so on. Iconic shots were ignored, iconic villain themes were ignored, iconic sets were completely changed for no reason, iconic characters looked nothing like they did in the series in this animated special, simple details changed or ignored and so forth and so on. Not even other classic 1966 villains seen but not heard, don't look like their series counterparts (they couldn't even get Siren/Loreli Circe's sine wave voice right). Its just painfully goes on and on, the list of greviences.

And what's even worst is the animation. It didn't work and needlessly brought down the on-screen action. It went from bad, to computer-generated stuff mixed in that was noticably mixed in, to a number of moments where things just stopped. What do I mean by that? Characters, main of background, would litterally just freeze -- they wouldn't move, meanwhile one might while speaking or moving around, but everybody else looked like victims of the Clock King. It looks and feels cheap, like they wanted to save money and rush this out. It looks like a wannabe poor man's poor man version of quality work on something like the Bruce Timm "Justice League" series. But stopping wasn't the only weird animation choice done here, it's like characters had a drag time. What do I mean by that? Well, imagine one of those cheesy early 1990's video games where a character was speaking or was spoken to and then had to move ot just leave for something. There's a second or two where the character does nothing, then suddenly moves, like it's buffering. Well, that's what it's like here -- they don't move for like a second, then move. It's weird. Especially in Gordon's office. If you've ever watched the series, you know Batman was very physically animated in Gordon's office, often pacing around, rubbing his chin, oddly crossing his arms over his chest (what was up with that, by the way?), motioning his hands constantly like he took what ever happy pills Gordon Ramsay takes to be to handily animated, and just looks lively. Here he's still, barely moves, freezes, has drag time in movement, and looks so wooden he could be a character on "Star Trek: Voyager".

I think how wrong this whole thing was, was summed up well with the Joker bending over and farting at Batman and Robin. Yes, he farted at them, like this was the "Terrance & Phillip" show from "South Park".

Unfortunately, I also need to complain about the music, but I need to heavily preface this otherwise people will misunderstand me: I'm a film and television score lover, so I very dearly appreciate and love scores. I'm a big fan of Ritmanis, Carter and McCuistion's work and consider their efforts on "Batman: The Animated Series" and "Superman: The Animated Series" to be amongst some of the finest television scoring EVER, and surely amongst the best of the best of modern television scoring, even when they were deprived of a real orchestra on the "Justice League", so I have nothing against them both scoring or personally wise -- they're nice people from every interview I have read (including interviews I did with them). And even though I'm about to complain about the music (or score as I will be refering to it properly from now on), you'll be surprised to see I don't actually hate the score. Now, having said all that, I don't like the score in the special. It doesn't sound like Nelson Riddle, though it makes some light attemps, features none of the iconic themes except Neal Hefti's theme music, and over all it feels like they just don't have the jazz chops to pull it off. They have the same problem almost all of today's modern composers have: they can't do classic 1960's/1970's TV jazz scoring; they and others try, but it never sounds right or lacks the feeling and spirit. Having said that, they do nice jazz immitations; take Kristopher Carter, who did one really fun and long jazz cue for the "Superman: The Animated Series" episode "A Little Piece of Home" (the only jazz cue in the episode, presumably; the La La Land Records set had cues from the episode and it had only jazzy one). So, who would I get to score it? Sadly ALL the 1966 Batman composers are dead: Neal Hefti, Nelson Riddle, Warren Baker, and Brian May (though I wouldn't hire May if he was still alive, but that's a wholly different complaint not needed here). However, there are some true television and film jazz composers still alive, and one of them is still scoring even in 2016 (though very rarely) and that person is Dave Grusin. If anybody knows how to get that sound right, it'll be Dave.

So in the end I have to ask: WHY was so much WRONG in this special? I don't get it. Why didn't characters look like the actors in the series? Why were interiors and exteriors changed (with a few small exceptions)? Why were iconic things like scenes and villain themes ignored? Why was the animation so bad? I don't get it. This is the William Dozer Batman universe, so I can't buy the excuse I once bandied about online that perhaps they couldn't get likeness rights. And likeness rights -- even if an issue after all -- don't account for changes to, for example, the police headquaters or some of the interrior of the Batcave. If they could use the Neal Hefti Batman theme music, why couldn't they use the words? Who prevented them from using Nelson Riddle villain themes like the Joker and Penguin themes? Were they prevented or were they artistically ignored? Hefti even created an extra interlude for his Batman theme on the old LP, which was ignored also and a new parts created. Why does it look like it was drawn on black paper like "Batman: the Animated Series", loosing that vivid color of the 1996 series? There are so many why questions here and a lot of them feel not only needless, but at times purposefully done. And then there are the Bat-knuckles, which I can't get over.

And one last thing I have to mention: the voice acting. I keep reading over and over again online from 1966 series fans how the voice acting was exactly like it was on the series and that nothing has changed. I'm sorry, but that's completley bogus. Adam West and Burt Ward sound exactly like they are: decades older. And I don't have a problem with that -- it would be unreasonable to expect them to sound like they did in 1966. But it's ridiculous fan hype that they still sound the same. West obviously sounds old, Burt's slow on delivery and sounds old -- it's just the way of life. And none of the new voices actors quite sound like the originals, though Jeff Bergman does a good job as the Joker even with the laugh, and Wally Wingert does a good Frank Gorshen Riddler laugh (though he doesn't have the vocal energy that Gorshen had).

And finally, if we could get new voices actors for the Penguin, Joker, and the Riddler since the actors who portrayed them are now deceased, how come we couldn't get a William Dozer immitator? Yes, there was no Dozer voice over. Another iconic thing lost in this creation.


Overall, like I said earlier, it felt like a chore to watch. If this is what we're getting in the announced sequel where William Shatner will be playing Two-Face (a villain who was not seen in the original series, but a treatment was written fore, which will presumably be used), count me out. Not even the Shat is enough to save this. And it doesn't have to be! That's the most frustrating thing.