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which was actually the Resolute Desk. Nicolas Cage, who had been hiding under the carpet all the time that's why it seemed it was floating, tried to decipher the inscriptions, when suddenly out of the lamp came an animated bee, who spoke with a voice that sounded an awful lot like Jerry Seinfeld: "Now don't think you get three wishes just because I came out of a lamp", he said

“Yes, but I have something much better to offer you” said Barry Seinfeld the bee. “In my Sting there’s a clue to decipher the inscription. But if you’d know I’d have to kill you. Since you have to kill me first to know, it doesn’t matter anyway… so… ehm… I guess that’s it then. :sob: I promise I won’t call The Police but can I at least first say goodbye to

''Do not make a sequel.'' it read.

it said in reverse

Samantha Newly, obviously not feeling comfortable being exposed behind the country farm window in a bed covered in red light, heard Nick whisper “Fuck the Wasp?!” but misunderstood and thought he was talking about her. So she quickly took the lamp, smashed it on Nick’s head who passed out immediately. Unfortunately the lamp broke in two so Samantha put one piece in the Resolute desk, took the other one with her, searched Nick’s pockets for some money, flashlights and his dentist’s card (because he clearly did a great job at whitening Nick’s teeth) and she got out of there as fast as she could. On the way out though

...in the stable with all the horses. It was a...

George Clooney's feet

suddenly craving for a Nespresso. "What else?" she thought and

searched the stables but all she could find was a matured roquefort. She

...George Clooney popped out from behind a ball of hey. "A-ha...", he said, "...

filled with a kind of rather wild enthusiasm

"What does contratulating mean?" said Sam looking puzzled and

In dreams, Elliot shot Goldenthal. In the fairly dull studio, he wrote books about three little piggies who had enormous guns of navarone, that fired lots of nuclear, caramel flavoured rabbits. These rabbits chewed carrots made of carbonite, which gave them spots. One day Goldenthal walked in and shot Elliot. JESUS demanded that we all eat pie made by Sweeney Todd. Orchestrated by the great Nicholas Dodd, the pie was the size of his giant ego. What does Dodd actually do, when he's not playing with his...magic batton, escaped Goldenthal, but he didn't care. He worked with Robert Elhai. Also known as Mr Goldenthal 2, or Goldenthal Mark 2, he suddenly launched an airstrike on Remote Control Studios. General Hanzi Zimmer and his troops, did not like Marc Shaiman so they had to avoid the printmaster.

A second paragraph was started burning mice at the annual composers' mice burning event. Mickey, Minnie, and Jerry were tied to a stake, while the London Symphony played Mouse Hunt. Stuart Little squeaked "WTF!" and stabbed Silvester Stallone in the ankle. Rambo then made a jump for his M-40 and started tearing people apart, while the mice, stunned due to the bloodbath, took their opportunity and chewed holes everywhere in the studio.

Danny Elfman walked in as he had nothing better to do than eat boiled mice. This inspired him to run over to Bridget Fonda with his trousers down and his hair on fire. That turned Bridget on, who instantly asked for sex but for God's sake - none of his musical notes. Danny looked at his batton.....then looked at Bridget... who, at her turn, looked unimpressed.

"I've seen better, Dannyboy", said her Grandad, appearing as a ghostly apparition waiting to throw warm apple pies on Elfman's flaming head and batton. When the pie hit the fan, the pie flew everywhere. This turned Bridget off Elfman and onto dish-washing.

Suddenly, Jack Bauer smashed down the door and asked everyone down on the floor. ''WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME, WHERE IS THE NUKE?'' he said. Nobody answered, so Jack started shooting people in the knee caps. Then, from the crowd, a batton raised. It was Jack bauers' gun, camouflaged as a baton, since nobody should rase a baton to Jack Bauer and live. But then another sudden plot twist happened and John Williams made a guest appearance holding two guns directed at Elfman, Goldenthal and Bridget Fonda. Elfman thought of teasing big J by playing wise guy so he tried to play the Darth Vader theme on a French Horn, but big J wouldn't buy it and Elfman was on the wall. The guns were raised, there was a dazzling flash of light, and the hidden nuclear weapon went off, revealing a flag with the large letters BANG!

Amidst bewildered looks, the weapon transformed into its original shape. Now Scarlett Johansson wearing frilly knickers and no bra. That turned Bridget on again, who, ignoring Jack, Big J, Goldenthal and Elfman, walked towards the braless hottie and asked for the recipe for the smashed pies.

Scarlett, a bit awkward, explained that the pie was done by Lorne Balfe, Henry Jackman, Atli Orvarsson, John Sponsler, Tom Gire, Kelvin Wheelbarrow and Peter Golub,. so she doesn't really know who put what. Still, they exchanged several favorite recipes and left the stage, chatting away in a girly fashion.

When in walked the large ominous shadow of Matthew Abbadon. He was looking for a new identity, because nobody knew who the hell he was. "Who the fuck are you!?" said Kelvin Wheelbarrow. "Holy geez" Elfman exclaimed "it's Kelvin Wheelbarrow! Why is Southall still speaking about you?"

"I dont know....hell, I don´t know what the heck I'm doing here actually". He walked away.

Confused by all the strange characters that came and went, Jack Bauer sat down to have a drink with Scarlett and Bridget, that were done with the pies. Feeling windy they farted in unison. Jack drew his gun frantically in fear of chemical warfare being used. But too late, overpowered by the stench, Bauer fainted.

He woke up 8 days later as a beautiful, thirtysomething blonde Samantha Newly. Looking around, he (or rather she) found out she had been transported to a lovely country farm. Next to the bed was a magic carpet, floating inches above the floor and a large golden lamp, with some mysterious inscription on a table, which was actually the Resolute Desk. Nicolas Cage, who had been hiding under the carpet all the time that's why it seemed it was floating, tried to decipher the inscriptions, when suddenly out of the lamp came an animated bee, who spoke with a voice that sounded an awful lot like Jerry Seinfeld: "Now don't think you get three wishes just because I came out of a lamp", he said.

"Why not DUDE?", said with Hurleys´s voice, "that´s the usual stuff isn't it?"

"Yes, but I have something much better to offer you", said Barry Seinfeld the bee. "In my Sting, there's a clue to decipher the inscription. But if you'd know I'd have to kill you. Since you have to kill me first to know, it doesn't matter anyway, so I guess that's it then. :sob: I promise I won't call The Police but can I at least first say goodbye to my Queen, brothers, sisters, cousins.."

"Yeah yeah," said Nicolas, "alright".

So Barry bent his antennas, one to his ear and one to his mouth and started saying goodbye to the entire hyve Bzzz bzz bzzzz bzzz bzzzz :sob: bzzz bzzzzzzzzzzz and so on for about 11 hours. Then he gave Nicolas the nod of approval. Nicolas carefully took the sting between his thumb and finger and said "Thank you Barry, so long and Goodspeed" and pulled it out with a quick painless jerk. As Barry breathes his last, Nicolas took a close look at the sting that then started to sing:

Put on the red light [Nick Caaaage]
Put on the red light [Nick Caaaage]
Put on the red light [Nick Caaaage]
Put on the red light [Nick Caaaage]

Nicolas Cage took out his red flash light that he always carried around together with a roll of Ducktape, shone it on to the lamp and as Trevor Rabins heroic theme swelled, the secret message on the lamp slowly started to show 'WTF' in bright green it said in reverse, which meant Fuck The Wasp. Lucky for him, Barry had just died.

Samantha Newly, obviously not feeling comfortable being exposed behind the country farm window in a bed covered in red light, heard Nick whisper "Fuck the Wasp?!" but misunderstood and thought he was talking about her. So she quickly took the lamp, smashed it on Nick's head who passed out immediately. Unfortunately the lamp broke in two so Samantha put one piece in the Resolute desk, took the other one with her, searched Nick's pockets for some money, flashlights and his dentist's card (because he clearly did a great job at whitening Nick's teeth) and she got out of there as fast as she could. On the way out though, she could hear Whisperers in the stable with all the horses. It was a dark and creepy-looking place which smelt strongly like George Clooney's feet.

Samantha - a typical warm-hearted woman, was turned on by the smell of George Clooney, despite the latter coming from his feet; no matter what, she would get turned on by anything that had to do with Clooney; simply anything. She sat down, suddenly craving for a Nespresso. "What else?" she thought and decided she needed a cream cake to go with it, hurriedly she searched the stables but all she could find was a matured roquefort. She downed it in one and belched so heavily that George Clooney popped out from behind a ball of hey. "A-ha...", he said.

"Alan Partridge?" said Samantha, "no, it's me....George!" said George in a very George like voice filled with a kind of rather wild enthusiasm. After then contratulating Anthony on his 800th post. "What does contratulating mean?" said Sam looking puzzled and decided to congratulate him instead. At least she thought that's what the New Sam should do. Old Sam was such a bitch...

[Incidentally, I didn't necessarily ressurect this so we could continue the game. I kinda finished it with the above sentence anyway. I just think it's a hilarious read from yesteryear, and thought others would appreciate it too.]