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Quite possibly the worst pun ever

Off Topic » Quite possibly the worst pun ever (Posts 1 to 30 of 51)

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      CommentAuthorMartijn
    • CommentTimeJan 17th 2008
    Mahatma Gandhi, as one may be aware, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

    He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

    This made him.........

    ......

    ..............

    .....................

    ............................

    ....................................... A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
    'no passion nor excitement here, despite all the notes and musicians' ~ Falkirkbairn
  2. biggrin

    You can't tease Gandhi. That's only one circle of hell away from blemishing the memory of Mother Teresa and Lady Diana. wink
    A butterfly thinks therefore I am
    •  
      CommentAuthorMartijn
    • CommentTimeJan 17th 2008
    franz_conrad wrote only one circle of hell away from blemishing the memory of Mother Teresa and Lady Diana. wink


    Mother Teresa is walking around Heaven one day as she notices Princess Diana passing by. "What a lovely woman," Mother Teresa thought, "doing all those wonderful things for the sick and starving of our world." As Princess Diana passes by, Mother Teresa notices that Diana's halo is much bigger than that of her own. "I had dedicated my entire life on earth to those sick and hungry, and her halo is bigger than mine?!" So, Mother Teresa decides to go find St. Peter and ask him about her problem.

    Upon hearing the problem, St. Peter smiles a little and reassures Mother Teresa that,"It's not a halo; that's the steering wheel."
    'no passion nor excitement here, despite all the notes and musicians' ~ Falkirkbairn
  4. You're cooking man! Now all you have to do now is offend a few deities... wink
    A butterfly thinks therefore I am
    •  
      CommentAuthorMartijn
    • CommentTimeJan 17th 2008
    Hmmm, I seem to remember this joke starting with "Jesus, Allah and Buddha walked into a gay bar carrying a bucket of dead Chinese babies", but I'll be damned if I can remember the punchline...
    'no passion nor excitement here, despite all the notes and musicians' ~ Falkirkbairn
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      CommentAuthorMarselus
    • CommentTimeJan 17th 2008
    Oh please, try to remember...this sounds good biggrin
    Anything with an orchestra or with a choir....at some point will reach you
  7. I think I've heard that one! dizzy
    A butterfly thinks therefore I am
  8. Who can make the puns man? The Gandhi man can!
    The views and opinions of Ford A. Thaxton are his own and do not necessarily reflect the ones of ANYONE else.
    • CommentAuthorTimmer
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    Martijn wrote
    Mahatma Gandhi, as one may be aware, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

    He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

    This made him.........

    ......

    ..............

    .....................

    ............................

    ....................................... A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


    Where'd ya dig up this old fossilised joke from?
    On Friday I ate a lot of dust and appeared orange near the end of the day ~ Bregt
    • CommentAuthorTimmer
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    Martijn wrote
    franz_conrad wrote only one circle of hell away from blemishing the memory of Mother Teresa and Lady Diana. wink


    Mother Teresa is walking around Heaven one day as she notices Princess Diana passing by. "What a lovely woman," Mother Teresa thought, "doing all those wonderful things for the sick and starving of our world." As Princess Diana passes by, Mother Teresa notices that Diana's halo is much bigger than that of her own. "I had dedicated my entire life on earth to those sick and hungry, and her halo is bigger than mine?!" So, Mother Teresa decides to go find St. Peter and ask him about her problem.

    Upon hearing the problem, St. Peter smiles a little and reassures Mother Teresa that,"It's not a halo; that's the steering wheel."



    I bet that's an old one too but I've never heard it?

    LOL biggrin
    On Friday I ate a lot of dust and appeared orange near the end of the day ~ Bregt
  11. Timmer wrote
    Martijn wrote
    Mahatma Gandhi, as one may be aware, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

    He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

    This made him.........

    ......

    ..............

    .....................

    ............................

    ....................................... A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


    Where'd ya dig up this old fossilised joke from?



    See? This is why we need to move to hydrogen fuel. wink
    The views and opinions of Ford A. Thaxton are his own and do not necessarily reflect the ones of ANYONE else.
    • CommentAuthorTimmer
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008 edited
    Have you heard the one about Hitler going to Heaven?

    Not a pun but what the hey....


    Hitler goes up to heaven and is stopped by St. Peter at the pearly gates....

    Adolf : I am Adolf Hitler, let me in

    St.Peter : sorry mate but you've been a very naughty boy, you have to go to the fiery gates of hell

    Adolf : If you let me in I vill give you ze Iron Cross

    St.Peter : hmmmmm? Hang on a sec, I'll get someone with higher authority than me

    St.Peter returns with Jesus....

    Jesus : sorry Adolf but you're in the wrong place

    Adolf : If you let me in I vill give you ze two Iron Crosses

    Jesus : Hang on a sec, I'll go and see someone with higher authority than me

    Jesus goes to see God...

    Jesus : ere dad, there's this Hitler bloke at the gates says he'll give me two Iron Crosses if I'll let him in?

    God : Two Iron Crosses? You couldn't handle a wooden one let alone two made of iron you prat!
    On Friday I ate a lot of dust and appeared orange near the end of the day ~ Bregt
  13. He was given das boot?
    The views and opinions of Ford A. Thaxton are his own and do not necessarily reflect the ones of ANYONE else.
    • CommentAuthorTimmer
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    justin boggan wrote
    He was given das boot?


    Nope!

    But your reply was pretty good in a crappy sort of way biggrin cool
    On Friday I ate a lot of dust and appeared orange near the end of the day ~ Bregt
    •  
      CommentAuthorBobdH
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    Timmer wrote
    Have you heard the one about Hitler going to Heaven?


    Is this one of those jokes where the punchline is 'of course you haven't, 'cause he didn't!' ?
    •  
      CommentAuthorDemetris
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    Martijn wrote
    franz_conrad wrote only one circle of hell away from blemishing the memory of Mother Teresa and Lady Diana. wink


    Mother Teresa is walking around Heaven one day as she notices Princess Diana passing by. "What a lovely woman," Mother Teresa thought, "doing all those wonderful things for the sick and starving of our world." As Princess Diana passes by, Mother Teresa notices that Diana's halo is much bigger than that of her own. "I had dedicated my entire life on earth to those sick and hungry, and her halo is bigger than mine?!" So, Mother Teresa decides to go find St. Peter and ask him about her problem.

    Upon hearing the problem, St. Peter smiles a little and reassures Mother Teresa that,"It's not a halo;
    that's the steering wheel."


    lol
    Love Maintitles. It's full of Wanders.
    •  
      CommentAuthorDemetris
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    Bring more in, i love it! Let's get fried in hell! biggrin biggrin biggrin
    Love Maintitles. It's full of Wanders.
    •  
      CommentAuthorMartijn
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    Timmer wrote
    Where'd ya dig up this old fossilised joke from?


    Jeez Tim, if you know this one you're really showing your age! tongue
    Speaking of which:
    What do you call a dinosaur that spends all day contemplating the meaning of life?


    ....A philosoraptor.
    'no passion nor excitement here, despite all the notes and musicians' ~ Falkirkbairn
    •  
      CommentAuthorDemetris
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    biggrin

    Man, reading them again, those mother Teresa and Diana jokes really crack me up! Oh; yeah, i admit it, i was NEVER particularly fond of both, especially the latter. I also know that my seat next to ol' Saddamm and Satan is already reserved but i don't give a **** biggrin
    Love Maintitles. It's full of Wanders.
    •  
      CommentAuthorMartijn
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    By the way, did you hear Elton John's tribute record for Mother Teresa?
    Sandals In The Bin ?
    'no passion nor excitement here, despite all the notes and musicians' ~ Falkirkbairn
    •  
      CommentAuthorBobdH
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008 edited
    Did you actually know why did Elton John sang at Diana's funeral? He was called in at the last hour because the Crash Test Dummies couldn't make it.
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      CommentAuthorBregje
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    HAHAHA!! Didn't know any of these, thanks for the laughs biggrin
    • CommentAuthorTimmer
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    BobdH wrote
    Timmer wrote
    Have you heard the one about Hitler going to Heaven?


    Is this one of those jokes where the punchline is 'of course you haven't, 'cause he didn't!' ?


    LOL biggrin
    On Friday I ate a lot of dust and appeared orange near the end of the day ~ Bregt
    • CommentAuthorTimmer
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    Martijn wrote
    Timmer wrote
    Where'd ya dig up this old fossilised joke from?


    Jeez Tim, if you know this one you're really showing your age! tongue
    Speaking of which:
    What do you call a dinosaur that spends all day contemplating the meaning of life?


    ....A philosoraptor.


    Hah! LOL biggrin

    Y'got me with that one! cheesy
    On Friday I ate a lot of dust and appeared orange near the end of the day ~ Bregt
    • CommentAuthorTimmer
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    Timmer wrote
    Have you heard the one about Hitler going to Heaven?

    Not a pun but what the hey....


    Hitler goes up to heaven and is stopped by St. Peter at the pearly gates....

    Adolf : I am Adolf Hitler, let me in

    St.Peter : sorry mate but you've been a very naughty boy, you have to go to the fiery gates of hell

    Adolf : If you let me in I vill give you ze Iron Cross

    St.Peter : hmmmmm? Hang on a sec, I'll get someone with higher authority than me

    St.Peter returns with Jesus....

    Jesus : sorry Adolf but you're in the wrong place

    Adolf : If you let me in I vill give you ze two Iron Crosses

    Jesus : Hang on a sec, I'll go and see someone with higher authority than me

    Jesus goes to see God...

    Jesus : ere dad, there's this Hitler bloke at the gates says he'll give me two Iron Crosses if I'll let him in?

    God : Two Iron Crosses? You couldn't handle a wooden one let alone two made of iron you prat!


    ooops, put it in 'edit' rather than new post.
    On Friday I ate a lot of dust and appeared orange near the end of the day ~ Bregt
    •  
      CommentAuthorMarselus
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    LOL punk
    Irreverent, as I like. More please!
    Anything with an orchestra or with a choir....at some point will reach you
    •  
      CommentAuthorDemetris
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    biggrin biggrin biggrin biggrin
    Love Maintitles. It's full of Wanders.
  28. Immanuel doesn't pun. He Kant. biggrin
    http://www.filmmusic.pl - Polish Film Music Review Website
    •  
      CommentAuthorMarselus
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    PawelStroinski wrote
    Immanuel doesn't pun. He Kant. biggrin


    Ohhh my God!! punk
    I want more of this too!
    Anything with an orchestra or with a choir....at some point will reach you
    •  
      CommentAuthorDemetris
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2008
    hahah good one!
    Love Maintitles. It's full of Wanders.

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