[Closed] Recent Viewing Part III

Endeavoured to watch: Van Helsing (2004)
Jesus. What a mess. Loud, obnoxious, unfunny and doesn't give you a second to breathe!
It's not even an entertaining mess. It's just headache-inducing.

So I switched off after about 45 minutes (something I rarely do) and switched to House Of Frankenstein (1944).
Assuredly another fine mess, with the same usual suspects (Frankenstein's monster, Dracula, the werewolf and the hunchback), but oh, it's all just so charming and entertaining!

Boris Karloff stars as resentful evil scientist Niemann, who wants to follow in Frankenstein's footsteps.

After a jailbreak together with tragic hunchback Ig...Daniel (Daniel?) whom he promises a new body once he's able to locate Frankenstein's monster to do further Advanced Scientific Experimentation, he encounters a carnival show that features Dracula's coffin, containing the latter's staked skeleton.

He kills the owner, swipes the coffin, for no particular reason resurrects Dracula (John Carradine -the father of David Carradine- in a rather ineffectual role), who immediately goes on a killing spree.
The police (!) get involved and Karloff kicks Dracula's coffin out, letting him die a fiery death in the sun.
Exit Dracula (what was the point in that?

Hunchback Daniel finds downtrodden but cute gypsy girl Esmeral...Ilonka (Ilonka?), who likes him but in the end can't get over the hump, so Daniel doesn't get to. Hump, that is.

Karloff finds the frozen remains of Frankenstein's Monster (yay!) and the Wolfman (huh?) and decides to thaw both out (because...uh...it was in the script). The monster (Glenn Strange, the best-known Frankenstein Monster model) is badly damaged and needs Advanced Scientific Experimentation i the coolest Evil Scientist laboratory you've ever seen! Everything explodes, boils, burns, smokes and zaps with electricity! Gothic expressionism galore!

The Wolfman Larry Talbot (the one and only Lon Chaney Jr.) broods on his terrible fate, and kills some people here and there every night the moon is full (and I mean EVERY night. Thrice a week).

Esmeralda likes Larry. Daniel hates Larry. Karloff likes no one.
Larry eats Esmeralda, but not before Esmeralda wounds Larry mortally (out of love, with a silver bullet made out of her crucifix. Aw. Truer love hath no dogfood).

Daniel in grief and anger attacks Karloff. Monster kills Daniel. Angry torch-bearing village mob (having waited on the side for mandatory appearance) burn castle. Monster escapes with wounded Karloff only to find watery death in cork-filled water passing for quicksand.
The end.

If it sounds terrible, that's because it is...but the classic Universal set pieces, the iconic faces, the wonderful black and white photography and the sheer mood and atmosphere made me enjoy this bit of fluff about a ZILLION times more than the multi-million Van Helsing fiasco.
Heartily recommended for a dark and stormy night!

That's my review in a nutshell.

If you had read what I actually wrote, you would have noticed that I didn't.

I honestly thought that too M. Haha the joke's on us then.

i KNOW, I read "Karloff" somewhere in your review but it was still funny to say.

NP:First Knight (Goldsmith)

Lancelot's fanfarre is the best fanfarre I ever heard.

Like I said :

Good god. Jesus fucking christ.

Fuck. Me.

Shit.

I think if I saw both films for the first time today, and saw ROBIN HOOD first, I'd call it better. GLADIATOR isn't that good as revenge tale - the last third borders on incoherent, like many period blockbusters.

Are you serious? No you're not; in case you are, get lost.

That's alight but how the one cancels the other? Can you seriously suggest that you don't like her? She's not an anorexic stick, she's a gorgeous woman who also managed to maintain such a body even after giving birth. And the video is shot and produced by her husband if i am not mistaken.

:shrug: Talking to you about women sometimes can be such a burden......like trying to logically argue with a fat chick who's dismissing every beautiful woman around her as fake and plastic anorexic chick simply because she could never let go of the fork, spoon and chicken and actually try and loose some weight herself;)

I prefer the picture that was taken before the horrible accident she had, which made her swell up like that.

But at least it gave her the opportunity to make a career move from meaningless little films like Much Ado About Nothing, Brokedown Palace and The Aviator, to big Hollywood productions like Vacancy and the Underworld franchise.

That's my point. Look at Keira Knightley for instance. I'd agree 100% with Martijn if that was the case. But this here clearly isn't.